# Fractured Faith ![rw-book-cover](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/91MCDoduqOL._SY160.jpg) ## Metadata - Author: [[Lina AbuJamra]] - Full Title: Fractured Faith - Category: #books ## Highlights - I ended up changing the title to Fractured Faith. A fracture is a break and is incredibly painful. It’s the kind of pain that will knock the wind out of you. That’s what the deconstruction of your faith will do to you. It knocks the wind out of your faith. ([Location 149](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=149)) - One of the things I’ve discovered in the last few years is that the deconstructing of one’s faith is common among Christians and not just something that happened to me. Christians all over the world are asking difficult questions about their faith. Maybe that’s you. You have questions that defy platitudes. Questions that challenge what is taught as dogma in the church. Questions born out of pain that refuse to go away without an answer. They gnaw at your soul and, if they remain unanswered, these questions will lead you down the path to doubt. Then, like a wound that’s covered with a bandage without proper care, it starts to fester. Eventually, a dismantling of your beliefs begins to take place. And when everything we believe about God begins to crumble, the temptation is to walk away. The temptation is to stop believing. Or the very opposite takes place. ([Location 151](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=151)) - Sometimes, when you finally let go of all the clutter you believe about God, you make room for Him in your life again. When you stop long enough for God to reveal Himself to you as He really is and not as you’ve made Him up to be, a slow reconstruction begins. ([Location 158](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=158)) - I wanted to forget every bit of that season in the dark. I thought of all the times I stood up to teach the Bible to others while I was privately wrestling with God, shaking with the shame of being found out. I relived every moment of unshed tears while I fought with God tooth and nail for answers. I mourned so many wasted days in the valley. But then it occurred to me that it was the very deconstruction of my faith that opened my eyes to God. It was the deconstruction of my faith that gave me a taste of His unconditional love and never-ending grace. It was the deconstruction of my faith that rebuilt me inside and out. ([Location 163](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=163)) - even though I’ve promised you that this book will feel heavy at times, here’s what else I promise you: if you’re struggling with questions about God when you’re supposed to already have the answers, and if it feels like you’re going through a crisis of faith even after years of following Jesus, I believe you’re going to find answers here. But more importantly, I actually believe you might encounter God in these pages, or at least be reminded of His deep, deep love for you. ([Location 169](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=169)) - In those days, I measured God’s goodness to me by the amount of blessings I was experiencing in my life. ([Location 189](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=189)) - Still, ask anyone who has tried it: it’s never easy to embark on a different road even if that road is the right one. ([Location 207](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=207)) - When people asked questions about my church story, I came up with a good enough answer to quiet them down, always careful with my words, always frightened that saying the wrong thing might impact my life and ministry. ([Location 210](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=210)) - If you’ve ever left a faith community, you’re familiar with that look. It’s one of weariness, of self-protection and guardedness. We walk into a room but never quite look people in the eyes. We answer questions with brief affirmatives always giving the impression that we’re doing great. “The ministry is thriving,” I’d say. “God is working all things out for good,” I would declare from the pulpits, time after time. ([Location 220](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=220)) - Then it became too much to feel so much, so I chose to go numb. I ignored my emotions. I became an expert on self-isolation and building walls. There’s a wall you put up when you don’t want anyone to ask you anything, but there’s another kind of wall you put up when you want to look like you’re engaged in the conversation when in fact you’re still just hiding. I call it “my small group wall.” It’s that thing I do when I pretend to listen and engage with other Christians but my heart and soul stay safely tucked away behind an imaginary barrier. If you’re a Christian who has ever attended a small group, you might be familiar with it. ([Location 228](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=228)) - you might think this book is about finding your way back to God, but it’s not. It’s about understanding that God has already found His way to you. ([Location 260](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=260)) - It’s in learning to become aware of God’s presence in our pain that the scales are tipped toward freedom. ([Location 312](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=312)) - Pain has a way of revealing who you really are and what you really believe. Pain doesn’t destroy your faith; it simply exposes it. Instead of seeing pain and suffering as the worst thing that could happen to you, it’s life-saving to see suffering as a pathway to God. Instead of allowing suffering to deconstruct your faith, consider how God wants to use your suffering to reignite your faith in Him. ([Location 328](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=328)) - What kind of Savior chooses silence over comfort? Absence and delay over the miracle? What kind of Savior allows His children to be swept away in the storms of life, seemingly oblivious to their pain? ([Location 354](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=354)) - Yet, it is in complicated questions where we find the truth. We need to ask the tough questions, such as: Why does Jesus sleep in the middle of the storm? Why does Naomi lose all the men in her life? Why doesn’t Jesus show up when Mary and Martha need Him the most? Where was God in my friend’s painful divorce? Why do I still find it challenging to talk about the pain inflicted on me by my old church? ([Location 363](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=363)) - The longer I live, the more I wonder if my inability to see God in my pain is rooted in the fact that I’m not really looking for God. I’m looking for a god to show up in the way that I want him to and to give me what I want him to give me. ([Location 399](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=399)) - Pain’s gift is that it increases awareness. Suffering heightens our sense of need and deepens our heart’s cry for help. While suffering hurts, a growing sense of God’s presence heals. ([Location 420](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=420)) - God’s goodness is meant to be received in the midst of our pain, not proven by the absence of our pain. ([Location 427](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=427)) - One of the ways I have learned to grow in my awareness of God is to practice seeking His presence with a very simple prayer that I whisper to God throughout the day. It’s a prayer any kid can memorize, which is about the level I can handle when I’m crushed by suffering. Though I don’t believe in secret formulas or chants that empower us to be more for God, I have found this whispered prayer awakens me to God’s presence in my life: Lord, Open my eyes that I may see You. Open my ears that I may hear You. Open my mouth that I may praise You. Open my heart to receive all that You have for me today. ([Location 429](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=429)) - The first step to reconstructing your faith is to start by telling the truth. You need to find a safe place to tell your story, like to a therapist or trusted pastor or friend. It’s essential. And it will not be pretty. You don’t need to hide anymore. You don’t need to act like everything is okay. You are in this fight because you have questions, and they’re not a surprise to God. Your present suffering is God’s invitation to you for more of His presence in your life. It will take courage and guts to tell your story. It might even create some significant changes in your future, but it will be worth it. You will find out that you are not alone in your pain, and that when you finally let it all out, God will still be right there, waiting for you. You will realize that God isn’t disturbed by your pain. He welcomes it; He welcomes you. He’s a Savior who is familiar with our pain. But ([Location 493](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=493)) - I’ve come to find out that most of us go through life exactly like my classmate did. We wake up one day and realize that all we once held dear no longer matters to us anymore. We thought our story would turn out one way, but instead we’re stuck in a life that doesn’t seem like the one we deserve. The problem is that we’re too afraid to admit it. We’re frightened of what it might mean to admit it. So we show up. We go through the motions. We live, but we’re not really alive. We inhale and exhale, but we’re not really breathing. ([Location 518](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=518)) - I am convinced that more people in the church are struggling with their faith than are letting on. These are people who, like me, still go to church and read their Bibles daily but are slowly shriveling inside. We look okay on the outside, but inside we’re dying. ([Location 531](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=531)) - What if instead of coming to God with your expectations, you learned to come to Him with your longings? What if you brought your doubts, your dashed hopes, and your desires to God, trusting that He loves you and wants your story to have a hope-filled ending? ([Location 546](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=546)) - Purely speaking, “to expect” is to look forward to with anticipation. ([Location 571](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=571)) - First comes our desires, which drive our longings. Another way to say it is that our longings are our delayed desires. And then come our expectations. Our expectations are our anticipated outcomes. Our expectations are less attached to our desires and more connected to our anticipated narratives. I might desire success but expect to lose. Expectations are too often influenced by our fears. Expectations are shaped by our past with all of its wounds and regrets. We tend to taper our expectations to protect ourselves from future pain even though we long for our desires so deeply we can almost taste them. ([Location 572](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=572)) - Prayer in its simplest form is coming to God with our expectations, being honest with God, holding our expectations loosely, inviting God to give us the desire of our hearts and what He most desires for us. As long as our expectations are based on God’s promises, our happiness is sure to be complete. Those kinds of expectations will always bring delight because they rest in God’s character and in His goodness. Our problems start when—with tight fists—we bring God expectations that hinge on our own wants and desires, often centered around our own comfort and perceived happiness, regardless of what He might want for us. ([Location 577](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=577)) - The problem with expectations is that they can make or break our faith. ([Location 577](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=577)) - It is in better understanding our desires that we can form our expectations. What is it that we really want? What is it that we long for? Or maybe a better question we must ask is: How well can we trust our longings and our desires? What might God be showing us He wants for us? ([Location 582](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=582)) - I’m sure you’re familiar with the story but maybe you haven’t connected its impact on your life. Because of that day, you and I will always wrestle with our desires. We long, and sometimes our longings are good, but often, they’re not. The only way to tell the difference is by weighing our desires by what God has promised will give us lasting happiness. ([Location 592](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=592)) - You can make your own list of positive and negative desires; it’s a good exercise. It can be entered into as a spiritual practice, one that can draw us nearer to God. Our hearts are divided between good desires and evil desires. ([Location 600](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=600)) - Because of Adam and Eve, we have inherited this desire for sin which leads to death. But because of Jesus we’ve been given the desire for life and goodness. Again, the key is to recognize the difference between positive and negative desires. ([Location 604](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=604)) - But the best way to know if my expectations are good or evil is to study what happens in my mind and heart when my expectations aren’t met. ([Location 618](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=618)) - Every human has a God-given longing for intimacy. It’s a longing that is meant to be filled not by a spouse but by God Himself. Hordes of married people will tell you of their post-honeymoon disappointment and the discovery that the person they married failed to meet their heart’s deepest longings. Our culture has convinced us to believe that our future happiness depends on whether we find “the one.” But God’s purpose for our intimacy is deeper. Sadly, most of us have formed our desires not by what God’s Word promises, but based on perceived cultural ideas. We were made for more. Spouses were never meant to meet our deepest longings. Only God can. Even if marriage never happens for you, your longing for intimacy is assured in Christ. Your desire for intimacy is forever secured in Christ. ([Location 636](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=636)) - God’s plan has never been for us to hide our desires from Him. He’s never asked us to ignore our desires. On the contrary, God puts our desires in our hearts for a reason. God Himself is the dream-giver and the dream-maker. ([Location 647](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=647)) - Most of us have wrestled with feelings of disappointment in our Christian life. We live with the notion that if I do my part, God should do His. Instead of rightfully developing a healthy understanding of who God is, we’ve developed a Christian model where I am the center of my world and God is a puppet, waiting at my beck and call to fulfill my every whim. ([Location 655](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=655)) - The biggest mistake we make in Christianity is to make ourselves the center of our story. ([Location 662](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=662)) - No matter what we tell ourselves, our human potential to fill our deepest longings is limited. ([Location 697](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=697)) - but eventually, our longings lead to expectations which lead to disappointment if not fully understood and aligned with God’s purposes. ([Location 698](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08XNFPF7K&location=698))