# Eyes of Honor  ## Metadata - Author: [[Jonathan Welton and Graham Cooke]] - Full Title: Eyes of Honor - Category: #books ## Highlights - While it may be the experience of the average Christian man, it is not normal for a Christian man to be plagued emotionally and mentally by sexual temptation. Average is defined by what is most common. Normal is defined by a standard, and in the Church, Jesus is our standard for normal. ([Location 205](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=205)) - Though it is not a new issue, over the last 2,000 years of Church history, morality has eroded to the point that sexual sin is considered common in Christian men. This should not be. It is time for the Church to be pure again. ([Location 218](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=218)) - As Watchman Nee wrote, “May we not deceive ourselves, imagining that sinning is inevitable for a Christian. I think no thought hurts our Lord more than this kind of attitude.”3 ([Location 219](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=219)) - Also, you will notice that the subtitle of this book is Training for Purity & Righteousness. This is an important point to grasp. This is not simply a book about sexual purity. Righteousness means to be in right relationship with God and with humankind. While I am not intending to write a full-blown relationship book, there are some important topics that should be included in any discussion of sexual purity: such things such as valuing yourself, being a powerful person, resting, and setting boundaries. ([Location 230](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=230)) - But this does not line up with the Word of God; when did Christ ever tell His followers to manage their sin? ([Location 275](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=275)) - Even though surveys have found that 82 percent of Christian men are privately struggling with lust,1 it doesn’t have to be this way. ([Location 279](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=279)) - One of the first things I will tell you is that if you must have accountability, then you haven’t really found the answer to your sin. Although accountability may help you manage your sin, it doesn’t deal with the root. Jesus didn’t provide us with complete freedom from the power of sin so that we could establish accountability groups to try not to sin. ([Location 285](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=285)) - I carry a saying with me: “Wrong teaching leads to wrong living; whereas right teaching leads to right living.” ([Location 295](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=295)) - How will we ever take down the sex slave industry while we are in bondage to the same evil spirits that are behind it? ([Location 304](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=304)) - I interpret Second Chronicles 7:14 as saying, when God’s people stop focusing on those around them and deal with their own hearts, then God will bring healing to those around them as well. ([Location 310](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=310)) - Here is what I found to be true. The devil is a totally defeated foe and a tremendous liar. After the cross of Christ, the only way the devil can gain power is by getting individuals to agree with his lies. ([Location 336](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=336)) - After many years of frustration, discouragement, and extensive biblical study, my eyes were opened to this truth: My crucifixion with Christ is a past-tense, accomplished fact that I can add nothing ([Location 351](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=351)) - Introspection was draining my life and getting me nowhere. I realized that I had placed my focus on myself, rather than turning my focus toward Jesus and His grace. ([Location 365](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=365)) - The only way that children can learn to walk in love is through our displaying love to them as an example to follow. That is what God has done for us. “We love Him because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19 NKJV). And Romans 2:4 says that it is His kindness that brings us to repentance, not fear of punishment, guilt, or condemnation. ([Location 400](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=400)) - “If you love Me, you will obey Me” (see John 14:15). Therefore, love is the motivator for godly obedience, not fear. ([Location 404](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=404)) - I want to be changed inside, but the behavioral modifications have only changed my outside reality, not my inside struggle. I don’t want to go on like this.” ([Location 416](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=416)) - Personally, I believe the Bible has the answers that men have been longing for in this area for many years. It is time to dig deep and lay the axe to the root of this bondage once and for all! ([Location 419](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=419)) - My approach to lasting freedom is based on changing the identity of the one in bondage to lust. As you read this book, you will find that your understanding of identity will be challenged. You will be stretched doctrinally and experientially. You will need to make major shifts in heart and mind. ([Location 422](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=422)) - The truth is that your identity is not the sum total of your actions; identity is the foundation of your life from which your actions flow. ([Location 426](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=426)) - Rightly stated: “I am righteous in Christ; therefore, I live righteously.” Identity always precedes actions. ([Location 428](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=428)) - Identity is made of three components: the mind, the heart, and revelation. The mind represents all of the thinking that a person has processed. The heart contains all of the experiences that a person has had. Revelation is the place where the heart and mind have come into agreement to form a foundational belief system. Identity flows out of a person’s revelation. ([Location 430](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=430)) - It is amazing how quickly people’s identities can change when their hearts and minds align and form a new revelation. ([Location 441](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=441)) - If identity flows out of revelation, then to change your identity, you must get a new revelation! To get a new revelation, you first have to renew your mind with truth and allow new experiences into your heart. ([Location 443](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=443)) - When we feel oppressed by sin and temptation, Jesus speaks to us about our true destiny and identity in Him, and He calls us to take responsibility and act powerfully according to that identity. ([Location 520](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=520)) - He said, “If the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36 NASB). ([Location 527](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=527)) - As I alluded to in the stories of Gideon and the woman caught in adultery, there are two foundational principles that we must understand in order to walk in freedom and self-control: I am powerful, and I am valuable. ([Location 540](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=540)) - Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts…. For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace (Romans 6:12,14 NASB). ([Location 548](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=548)) - Cain and Abel. “The Lord said to Cain ‘…sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it’” (Gen. 4:6-7). Notice that God did not say that sin was within Cain and that he had no choice but to obey its whims. Choice is always a factor. ([Location 553](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=553)) - Paul also said in Romans 6 that when we do choose to sin, we give sin the throne in our lives (sin reigns and we obey). So although we are powerful and free because of Christ, we allow sin to be our master. When we choose lust, we are giving up self-control and selling our freedom to the old flame, the porn star, the stripper, or the prostitute. We must value our freedom enough to choose self-control. ([Location 555](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=555)) - It is important to note that Jesus provided us with righteousness, not as something achieved by works, but as a gift received by faith. Though many of us understand this concept with our minds, we still live as though we were trying to be righteous on our own. ([Location 568](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=568)) - When we choose to believe what God says about us, we are enabled to receive His grace for righteous living. When we accept His truth about us, we no longer strive for approval through works; neither do we condemn ourselves by evaluating our potential based on our history. Rather, we simply accept God’s declaration of our righteousness. As God renews our minds according to this truth, we will begin to access the grace to live righteously. ([Location 574](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=574)) - In the beginning, God created mankind to be free. ([Location 582](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=582)) - Well, if they hadn’t had the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in that Garden, they would have been trapped in a paradise prison. Without the option of making a poor choice in that environment, they would not have been free.3 ([Location 586](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=586)) - If we do not understand that our self-control is empowered by the grace of God, then we will try to control our flesh by the strength of our flesh, and this will always fail. ([Location 600](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=600)) - Self-control is not simply the ability to say no to sin. I would propose that the definition of self-control is better expressed as “my being the only one who determines my responses in life.” ([Location 608](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=608)) - Not only has their control been removed by Jesus’ death on the cross, but we also have been given back the reins of our own lives. That is what self-control means. ([Location 610](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=610)) - Once you begin to walk in self-control, you realize that you are the only one controlling your life and decisions; therefore, you become able to make powerful choices. ([Location 613](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=613)) - It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.…For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another (Galatians 5:1,13 NASB). ([Location 618](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=618)) - The old definition of self-control only gave us the power to say no to wrongdoing. The new definition empowers us to say no to wrongdoing and make the choice to walk proactively in love. ([Location 626](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=626)) - For a man tempted to embrace sexual sin, this is not just “bouncing” his eyes or beating his flesh into submission, but truly considering the needs of the people in his life (his wife, his children, his parents, the women he is tempted to objectify, and so forth) and being compelled by his and Christ’s love for them. ([Location 628](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=628)) - The truth of self-control is that you are powerful and you can always choose to control yourself. Self-control means that nothing outside of you is running your life—not your angry boss, your rebellious children, your nagging wife, your critical mother-in-law, the evil spirits of lust, generational curses, the wounds from your past, or anything else. Absolutely nothing can control you because the Holy Spirit gave the reins of your life back to you. This is an awesome and empowering truth! ([Location 636](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=636)) - You always get to make the choice. The lie that counselors teach is that you are out of control. You are not out of control; you are just making stupid choices with the control that you have been given. You are choosing to return to that “yoke of slavery” (Gal. 5:1). But you don’t have to. ([Location 645](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=645)) - Regardless of circumstances, people who feel powerless and who do not operate in self-control will refuse to take personal responsibility for their lives. They will continually play the blame game. They will blame a sin nature, the devil, those tempting women, their parents, and so forth. Only when you understand that only you are in control of yourself, can you fix your problem. ([Location 722](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=722)) - God gave you self-control so that you would always be free to respond under your own power, rather than living reactively. ([Location 735](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=735)) - Being a self-controlled person who takes responsibility for his life is the first step to freedom. The second step is to understand how powerful people deal with their inward lives in order to remain emotionally and relationally healthy. ([Location 738](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=738)) - Many attempt to fill their relationship-void with things rather than people; this counterfeit intimacy is called addiction—an emotional bond with an object or substance (which they can control) rather than a person (whom they cannot control). The irony, of course, is that ultimately such people give the control of their lives to the object of their addiction. ([Location 757](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=757)) - As powerful people, we understand that we cannot control others, but only ourselves. ([Location 762](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=762)) - Thus, the goal in communication becomes understanding and connecting. ([Location 765](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=765)) - The differences between healthy, powerful communication and unhealthy, powerless communication are outlined in the four standard communication types: Aggressive, Passive, Passive-Aggressive, and Assertive. The first three are dysfunctional and powerless; only the fourth, Assertive, provides an emotionally healthy option. ([Location 773](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=773)) - Passive—“You matter. I don’t.” Aggressive—“I matter. You don’t.” Passive-Aggressive—“You matter…not!” Assertive—“You matter. So do I.” ([Location 777](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=777)) - Passive people are the quintessential victims, believing themselves subject to the whims of others. In order to find freedom, they need to acknowledge their power to choose, and they need to take responsibility for the dysfunction they contribute to relationships through their refusal to open their hearts in intimacy. ([Location 788](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=788)) - Passive-aggressive people pretend to care about others. Their communication resembles the Passive style, but they make sure they get their way through subtle manipulation, including sarcasm, innuendo, double meanings, and unclear communication. Sadly, this communication style is often the most acceptable attitude within the Church. ([Location 794](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=794)) - The only way to walk in self-control is to view our freedom as priceless and invaluable, and to guard it with our lives. ([Location 944](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=944)) - God defined your value when He paid for you, declaring that you are valued at the price of the death of the Son of God. ([Location 955](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=955)) - To all who are near, we send a clear message about the level of value we have for ourselves by the way we establish boundaries.2 ([Location 988](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=988)) - Proverbs 25:28 says, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” ([Location 990](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=990)) - As we can see in the lives of Samson and Joseph, supernatural anointing has nothing to do with character. Operating in the supernatural is not an indicator of emotional and spiritual health. The supernatural operates merely by faith, as Paul wrote in Galatians 3:5: “So again I ask, does God give you His Spirit and work miracles among you by the works of the law, or by your believing what you heard?” ([Location 1110](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=1110)) - All we have to do is look at history to see many greatly anointed men of God who fell into sin, whether sexual sin or something else, despite their gifts and calling. ([Location 1113](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=1113)) - Bottom line: If we see that we are valuable, we will use appropriate boundaries, and the power of no will help to protect our value. ([Location 1122](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=1122)) - As we discussed earlier, knowing our value is primarily connected to knowing God and the way He sees us. When we understand His unconditional affection for us, we can cease from striving for approval and simply rest in our identity in Him. ([Location 1126](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=1126)) - Adam didn’t start working right away, however. Instead, his first day on Earth consisted of spending the seventh day of creation resting with God. Rest was the first thing that Adam learned about his Creator. Adam was to work from a place of rest—rest then work, not work until tired and then rest. ([Location 1144](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=1144)) - Notice the sequence described for each day of creation: “And there was evening and there was morning…” (Gen. 1:5,8,13,19,23,31). The reason that night comes before day is that, in God’s economy, rest comes before work, night comes before day, and sleep comes before activity. ([Location 1146](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=1146)) - Even when God remodeled the planet with the flood, He provided the ark as a picture of resting in the storm. After the flood, the ark came to rest on a mountaintop, and a dove was sent out to find a resting place (see Gen. 8:8-12). This is a beautiful picture of how we must learn to rest through the storm and after the storm. ([Location 1154](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=1154)) - The Sabbath is not about keeping another rule; it’s about personal health and valuing ourselves. God knows we need rest, physically as well as emotionally and spiritually. More than that, God believes we are worthy of having a rest. He values us enough to say, “Take a break” (see Mark 6:30-32). ([Location 1175](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00817LQKM&location=1175))