# 4 Fake Nice Gestures That Are Actually Manipulative ![rw-book-cover](https://readwise-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/static/images/article4.6bc1851654a0.png) ## Metadata - Author: [[Sean Kernan]] - Full Title: 4 Fake Nice Gestures That Are Actually Manipulative - Category: #articles - URL: https://medium.com/p/a168e1bc9bb1 ## Highlights - Ben Franklin had a political enemy who was making speeches against him. Franklin remembered an old quote, “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.” Then he asked that political enemy to loan him a rare book. Then, Ben returned it to him with a nice thank you note. Suddenly, their political rivalry vanished and Franklin had a new friend. - Asking for a favor is a conveyance of trust and need. That person feels chosen. You are suggesting they have something you don’t: knowledge, ability, resources. It appeals to their insecurities. - Your brain watches you behaving in conflict and creates a subconscious conclusion: you must like the person. After all, we ask favors of people we trust and care for. Beware of favor requests from people who have something to gain from you. - Gaslighting is a common and very misunderstood form of manipulation. It comes from the 1938 play, aptly named “Gas Light”. It features a controlling husband who keeps moving objects in their home while his wife is away. When his wife questions things changing, he insists nothing happened. Then, he begins slowly lowering the brightness of their lamps over weeks and months. When she brings it up, he continually asks her if she is seeing things and if she’s feeling OK. She eventually asks herself the same question. - Gaslighting is a form of control where the victim begins to question reality.